Confidence and self esteem are not results of genetics. They are mental processes and skills. The psychology of confidence is an extraordinary combination of cutting-edge psychology techniques which are based on the principle that all behaviour has a structure which can be identified, learned and changed, with remarkable results.
Our modern scientists study the elements and forces which are outside themselves, with the object of controlling and utilizing them.
The ancients studied the elements and forces which were within themselves, with a view to controlling and utilizing them, and the ancients produced such mighty Masters of knowledge in this direction, that to this day they are held in reverence as gods, and the vast religious organizations of the world are based upon their achievements.
Wonderful as are the forces in nature, they are vastly inferior to that combination of intelligent forces which comprise the mind of man, and which dominate and direct the blind mechanical forces of nature.
A man is great in knowledge, great in himself and great in his influence on the world, in the measure that he is great in self control.
Self-confidence is the first step to progress, development, achievement and success. Even if you have a lot of knowledge and abilities, if you don’t have self-confidence you can’t be a success. But, on the contrary, even if you have only average abilities and knowledge, if you have an unfailingly true self-confidence, chances are that you achieve what you want to.
The successes and achievements in turn will strengthen your self-confidence further. People like, respect, believe and trust persons who are self-confident. It is natural that persons with good confidence are offered leadership and other office responsibilities of groups. Success flows to those who have a genuine Self-confidence.
Just as one’s personality affects one’s behaviour, so does the one’s behaviour affects his personality. Acting in a non-assertive way will results in the one’s feeling less confident and will lead to a self reinforcing cycle; where the one’s continuously decreasing self-confidence makes him even less assertive and this in turn weakens him further. This can also work the other way round, since by forcing himself to act in a confident and assertive way, he will start feeling more confident which reinforces and strengthens him even more.
You need to improve your self-esteem. Self-esteem depends on how we evaluate ourselves, our abilities and achievements rather than the quality and quantity of these. By improving ourselves’ acceptance, self concept and self-image, we can improve our self-esteem. Unless we are not able to love ourselves, like ourselves’ respect and accept ourselves as we are with all the defects we have, it is not possible to have self-esteem. People do not accept one who does not accept himself.
Keep a good self-image of yourself in your mind’s eye. Imagine yourself as a strong, confident and decisive person. Never waste your precious time, energy and effort by worrying about weakness and deficits. Accept your deficits; defects as such understand clearly that worrying and mourning over your defects and deficits can never bring their opposites.
Keep and act positively. Think of your wins and successes. Think of your achievements, positives. Find out new opportunities. Be optimistic and realistic. Start to act confidently and positively. Write down the recent successes and achievements you had. Keep the list with yourself and append it whenever possible.
Mingle yourself with people who are optimistic, positive and active. Work with those who have confidence in themselves and in you. Avoid the company with those who destroy your self-confidence and enthusiasm.
Help others whole heartedly without expecting anything (even thanks) in return. Help others just for sake of helping. You will gradually gain more confidence by this.
Be happy and smile. Be friendly and approachable. Believe in yourself and your abilities. Believe that one door closes and nine new ones open before you. Believe that there are opportunities and look for them.
Behave in line with the stereotyped behaviour of those who are confident. This easily makes others think you are confident. Keep yourself straight when walking, standing and sitting. Walk with firm steps, do not be absent minded. Keep yourself energetic and vital. Speak confidently, don’t be indecisive. If you are aware of your goal, you’ll not be indecisive.
You don’t have to compare yourself with other people, or to choose the criteria that put you on the weak end of comparison. When you do this you ignore all that is great about you and you pick just this one thing that you lack and compare it to.
The true self confidence comes from an attitude where you ‘’promise yourself, no matter how difficult the problem life throws at you, that you will try as hard as you can to help yourself.’’ – Professor Raj Persaud.